Looking back, I should have just phoned work and asked them for the day off.
Steven Reid was a hotel cleaner, but wanted the day off. There was only one thing to do.
The fiscal depute, Jim Craigen, told the sheriff court in Aberdeen
"He was making his way to work and didn't really much fancy going. He therefore removed a razor from his pocket and repeatedly dragged it down his face. He also picked up a boulder and struck it off his head and repeatedly hit himself on the head and body."
Mr Reid then reported the incident to the police claiming to have been assulted by two men.
Sheriff Graeme Buchanan fined Mr Reid £100 for wasting police time, and – uncontroversially – said it was a "pretty bizarre act".
Mr Reid said,
"Looking back, I should have just phoned work and asked them for the day off."